While this is true in extreme cases of anger, which I call “aggressive anger,” other situations call for just as strong an approach to anger management but where the indicators of anger are less visible. I’ll use “passive anger” to describe the rage that can “simmer under the surface” for a long time. While this may not manifest as overt hostility, it can have just as negative an effect on our lives, if not more so, because pent-up passive anger does not appear to have an outlet.
There is no point in discussing effective treatments for anger unless we first recognize that we have an anger problem. In other articles, I have discussed what anger management entails, why it is valid, and other aspects of anger management and anger more generally. I will continue to do so in upcoming ones. We can’t do anything about the situation if we don’t first recognize a problem.
With this in mind, the remainder of the essay will examine how to recognize the signals of both “aggressive” and “passive” rage. Some of these may appear apparent, but they should still be mentioned.
The most evident signs of anger are outbursts of rage, including shouting, violence, and aggressive behavior. In light of what has been said thus far, it should come as no surprise that this is the form of rage most commonly thought of when the term “anger” is mentioned. This violent rage can develop gradually as ‘passive anger,’ as depicted in numerous soap operas, films, etc., or it might explode spontaneously. Whatever the root of the rage, its manifestations include outbursts of yelling and, in extreme cases, physical aggression. The consequences of this could be highly harmful to us. Workplace discipline or friendship damage could result from such an incident. If it takes the form of domestic violence or assault on another person, it can result in a criminal conviction and repercussions.
Frustration and annoyance are normal reactions to stressful situations; anger (incredibly passive) can contribute to more stress. If this cycle continues, we, our loved ones, and our coworkers are all at risk. Wrath management services should be sought when one begins to sense such a buildup. Anger management is not just something that needs to be done after an eruption of violence; anger is not just hostility. If we’ve been feeling this way for a while (whether it’s been a few days, weeks, months, or years), it’s a sign that we have an anger problem that, if left unaddressed, is likely to get worse along with the anger and the consequences of that anger.
AGITATED BY EVERY LITTLE THING Again, whether this comes over as shouting and ranting or as a buildup of annoyance within our heads, the truth is that we are becoming furious. Anger and frustration, in moderation, are positive emotions that serve us well in daily life. When this persists over time and becomes deeply ingrained, it causes significant aggravation at inappropriate times and contexts. It’s important to handle our growing anger as soon as we see signs of it, such as becoming irritated by things that didn’t bother us before or didn’t bother us as much. Suppressed anger may build up to the point where it is discharged as physical aggressiveness, endangering our health.
INTERNAL RELATIONSHIP STRESS – In many respects, the quality of our intimate connections is a barometer of our health and happiness (and that of our partners, of course). Negative emotions, such as tension and anger, might impact our connection. We could become less pleasant than usual, more easily irritated, and prone to anger over seemingly minor issues. If the offense is expressed by shouting or worse if it is shown through physical assault, it can devastate our relationship. Anger management is essential if we believe that our anger is negatively affecting our connection, and it may even be possible to save the relationship if the problem has already progressed to this point.
FAILURE TO FOCUS – Anger, especially passive-aggressive anger, consumes many mental resources. We divert our attention and resources from more productive endeavors when we dwell on why we should feel anger. Speaking with various clients has taught me that stressful thoughts can arise anytime, regardless of activity. An angry idea can pop into our heads out of nowhere, even if we’re focusing on something completely unrelated to the source of our anger. Again, without going into too much detail, these might divert our attention away from more important matters, such as work, which requires our undivided focus. As if that weren’t bad enough, having these ideas can frequently make the anger worse, leading to even more of these thoughts, and can even lead to aggressive outbursts of rage under certain conditions.
In conclusion, deciding if we require anger management or not may seem simple in theory but is quite challenging in practice. Many people mistakenly believe they need anger management because they occasionally experience rage. Conversely, some people could benefit significantly from anger management techniques yet are unaware of anger problems.
The actual problem starts when we try to identify the symptoms of anger. Yes, these indications are apparent in some cases, like aggressive anger. In many circumstances, we may have little alternative but to obtain anger management – perhaps after a violent episode. However, these indicators may (a) not be observed by other people, and (b) we may still be doubtful if we are genuinely furious in other situations, such as the passive rage I have outlined. I mean that we are aware of an emotional shift, but we aren’t yet aware of an anger management issue.
I think this piece of advice could be helpful. If you or someone you care about shows rage, these tips can help you recognize the problem and possibly urge the person to get professional help. If you can relate to even one of these symptoms, you’re likely dealing with some level of rage, the intensity of which will vary with the specifics of your circumstance. Again, if you want to stop your anger from getting out of hand, it’s in your best interest to talk to someone trained in anger management. My many years of observation have led me to the conclusion that chronic anxiety is a common root cause of anger. The first step in resolving this anger is recognizing that it exists, so we can focus on getting to the bottom of what is causing it.
Martin Hogg is a Birmingham, UK-based anger management expert and the creator of the Citizen Coaching CIC. http://www.CitizenCoaching.com
Live workshops, one-on-one support, and online/home study are all part of our individualized approach to anger management. Visit anger-management-online.com to get a free copy of Martin’s Anger Management Guide.
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